If anything, Aayush's ears are the opposite of Peter's. As I sat at the dining table performing the dreaded accounting of my recent grocery expenses, I shuddered at the sound of redneck tramps dancing on a bar. I didn't need to look at the screen-- with the volume this loud and the voices this unintelligble, I'd say I was better off inhaling the can of fabreez than watching that stupid coyote ugly reality show. Someone came a rap rap rappin' on the door. It had to be her. Lately, her visits became more frequent and I didn't mind that at all. There's no such thing as having a friend over too often (90% of the time.) Our senses of humor overlapped pretty well, so it was easy to joke with her. Even though she did the normal girl thing of sharing her problems with me, she possessed qualities I'd never found in any girl in my years at Davis. Not only did she take tremendous pride in her nerdiness, she could vouch for it with her brains and her unselfish desires to serve the world. That and her eyes did this whenever she smiled: ^__^.

At the time, I was the only one in our apartment with a computer connected to the internet so I happily brought it into the living room permanently for the other 3 guys to use. She always jumped on whenever she came over, doing things like adding to (tainting?) my bookmark list with a korean music video, to fiddling with my budget spreadsheet, to questioning my away messages. She seemed a little friendlier or flirtier than your average girl, and Sheila even agreed to this and warned me not to get my hopes so high. Finding out Sheila not only went to Clovis West as well, knew many-a-chum there, attended my elementary school in addition to living in my neighborhood all proved to be a welcoming surpirse. Not as welcoming a surprise as next Friday's rainy day.

I admired Aayush for thinking on an extraordinary level. Sometimes.

The three of us needed to get to GWU Studio for a taping of the CNN show "On the Story", an arrangement by the UCDC program as a sort of field trip. We told her to meet us downstairs in the lobby with the other UC students. I watched the rain fall through the window and noticed he didn't bring his umbrella. "Aren't you going to get an umbrella?" "Nah, its cool man." "You sure?" "I'm sure." I think he smiled after saying that. After her and the remaining students arrived, we finally left the building. She opened her ladybug print umbrella while I shared mine with my roommate and we walked for a block. The rain fell heavier than I anticipated, with wind blowing it at random angles. "Dude, Mike I'm too tall and I think your getting too wet" he pointed out. "Look, you two are close to the same height, why don't you two share so its easier." I looked at it strictly from a logical perspective and agreed based only on this. We continued to walk with the group and the wind seemed to get stronger, or I became weaker, considering I did a pretty crappy job holding the umbrella for the two of us while one of us always got wet. She offered to give my arm a rest and hold it for me, but I refused. Ever so casually, she wrapped her arm around mine and moved even closer to me, slightly leaning herself on my side. Eventually we broke off from the group's route temporarily, taking a faster path in hopes of beating Aayush to our destination. I don't think I'd ever felt this warm in my life, except for in a certain dream I had a few months prior. We crossed paths with Aayush and the rest of the group, but a part of me wanted to say screw the taping, lets explore DC in the rain. Like most of my ideas, I didn't bring it up. At the studio he started pointing out some random things, like how we supposedly had the same eyes, the same smile, and the same shoes (well this was undisputable). She remarked by pointing out my feet were fat and the shoes weren't supposed to look that wide. Afterward I retied the laces in hopes of making my onitsuka tigers look less chubby.

With only 6 or 7 weeks left in the program, I finally asked her out on a date. Neel planned an outing to the Iwo Jiwa statue that evening, in hopes of seeing the sunset with a great view. 5PM rolled around and he yelled for everyone to get ready. I pretended I was still napping. After calling out to me once more, he gave up and the apartment door shut. I jumped out of bed immediately, googlemapped "flowers" and saw Safeway was the closest place. My first destination was the new regal movie theater in Chinatown. In front of the entrance a lady started locking up her shop. Twas a flower shop. I stopped her and asked if I could buy a single red rose from her. The vendor looked slightly annoyed but probably made up for it by ripping me off. Five dollars for one red rose- not even a super fresh one either. I proceeded to buy two movie gift certificates. She told me at least 3 times she wanted to see Ice Age 2 or Over the Hedge, so I figured this would be appropriate. The plan was to leave a rose in front of her door, and tape an envelope including the tickets and a letter asking her to get back to me the next day. Yes, stupid, I should have just talked to her instead. The plan wasn't executed as smoothly as I wanted it to. As I began taping the envelope to her door I heard the knob starting to shake. I didn't know what the hell to do, and like an idiot I just dropped it all on the floor and sprinted down the hall for the elevator. I was pretty sure she heard my mad sprinting, and in fact, instead of waiting for an elevator to come I just bolted for the stairwell to get to my room. When I got back to my room, I started laughing at how dopey I must have looked doing all of that. What a loser I am, but that just truly shows my lack of experience in these things.

For the rest of the quarter, I felt like we were in this bizarre gray zone. Although she admitted to me she wasn't interested in a relationship because she was going to Africa for a year, we seemed to weave beween the states of just friends and acting more than just as friends. Honestly, it really confused me. She'd casually make these gestures of physical contact or I'd notice her give me this really cute stare, while other times she'd call me to use googlemaps to direct when she was lost, and on one really brief occasion I went inside H&M with her as a sidetrip. My roommates liked to joke about this by making whipping noises or pulling on an imaginary leash. Aayush even said, "Mike this isn't fair, your doing all of these things and she isn't giving anything in return." I wasn't looking for sex in return, but he did remind me of my definition of a girlfriend: your best friend plus bonus, with the definition of bonus varying from guy to guy. Afterall a guy can be a guys best friend, but if that were the case, that guy could not provide bonus to me, hence he could not be my girlfriend. Good chain of logic, huh. I really hated being forced to choose between hanging out with her, and the guys. The way I saw it, since she wasn't my girlfriend, it would be okay not to be there for her 100% of the time. I knew we couldn't delve into a relationship, but at the same time I enjoyed every occasion the two of us hung out, convincing myself to simply live the moment, rather than think of the future. Kind of like that Avenue Q song, "Dont stress, relax, let life roll off your back, except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for nowwwwww."

The night after returning from New York, she called asking when I'd finish my research paper. We both aimed for Sunday (my actual due date the Thursday following) and then she casually followed it up with a question. "So how do you plan on celebrating?" "Celebrating...paper being done?" "Yes." "Uh....I don't know about you but I'm going to dance." "Hmph. Dancing's boring. We should do something to celebrate," she said, with a softer tone in her voice. "I have nothing in mind right now." I said dumbfoundedly. "Well, how about you let me know later on when you think of something." "Okay, I'll come up with something for sure." Did she want to go on a romantic date, or did she just want another siteseeing companion? This was one of those times I was seriously confused.

One evening she pulled off convincing me with an innocent face she originally joined an asian sorority and dropped it to join another asian sorority. "Come on, eh kay dee PHI, spread em high" or she said something like that. At the same time, I gave her information on how I felt about those sororities and how I thought they were tiered, based on looks (which I still think is true). Later on she admitted about joking, but the fact I couldn't distinguish this face from that prior scared me. This, in addition to another lie, really shook my image of her. Girls can be manipulative. After knowing her for nearly two months, I thought it was impossible for her to be the type, but I ruled that out now. Crazy thoughts surfaced in my head, thinking of Cathy from East of Eden and one particularly attractive Asian girl at my high school who admitted to crying to one of the counselors in order to get an A in a class. My perspective of her shifted slightly, and became more careful and cautious of her interaction with me. Whenever she frowned, enlarged her eyes and slanted her eyebrows upward I told her instructively not to give me that look in fear of simply being seduced. I became a paranoid maniac. And a jerk.

It was our last full day in Washington. Aayush, Neel and I spent our late afternoon kayaking on the Potomac. Neel crashed into a lady's kayak, pissing her off and and inducing a rescue boat to pull her away. I heard a huge splash, saw Neel laughing, turned to my side and found Aayush, a Davis Dragon Boat Team Member, had capsized for the second time. My phone vibrated and ever so carefully, ensuring I wouldnt rock my own kayak and share his fate, picked up the phone. During our merry conversation Neel sarcastically thanked me for helping them out and yelled a few times, "Mike stop talking to her and do something!" I didn't hang out with her earlier in the day and Neel seemed to be doing a good job helping him out so I continued to converse with her. I asked if she planned on attending the UCDC final dinner in a bit. "No...I'm tired of UCDC people, they're unreliable...including you." My heart sank and a wave of guilt ran through me. We were supposed to go to Arlington and I was supposed to call her after procrastinating and finishing my paper Thursday. Instead I joined the guys for the Spy Musuem, using the excuse, "Well she's not my girlfriend so I can get away with this." I didn't even plan out a means of celebration. Nor did I bring up the movie tickets again. I apologized to her and she replied, "Yeah, you don't exactly have a good track record." Time felt as if it had slowed down dramatically and I sat there lifeless, only the thumping inside my chest reminded me I was alive. She was right, I didn't follow through with everything. I apologized and asked if we could at least hangout later in the evening, but she adamantly replied everytime with "maybe." "Well when I return to the center can we at least talk?" "Alright."

Aside from my roommates, she was my closest friend and I refused to leave Washington knowing things ended on a sour note. After a knock on her door with no response, 5 phone calls, 3 voice messages, and passing on a final night of barhopping with the guys, frustration overcame me and I decided to give up and sleep on the couch and spend my evening with Conan O'Brien. Finally, a response. She explained she fell asleep and left her phone on silent, but gave me the okay to come and visit because it'd be the last time I'd get to see her. We talked shortly about potential summer visits and bananas. She appeared to be getting more tired, so I decided to ask her one thing before parting. I had to figure out where I stood in this gray zone because I pessmistically assumed every girl I'd meet would only perceive me as this nice guy who'd make for a good buddy. A rag of sorts, as some friends label. I looked directly into her eyes and asked, "In the span of these past 9 weeks, tell me, was there ever a time you liked me more than as a friend?" I would be content with any answer even if it remained unexplained. With slightly glossy eyes she replied, "Yes" and for the second time, she brought up the fact she'd be gone for Africa and didn't believe in 2 month relationships. I hugged her, not like the embrace I wrote about a few months ago, but it wasn't remotely anything like the half-assed goodbye hugs with other girls from the center, and finally bid farewell.

I don't know what she really thinks of me. In the end, I was a flake for a friend and perhaps I'll be like the other 210 UC students to her. In two weeks I'll find out. Thank you though for instilling some hope. Now I know nice guys don't always finish last, and it's reassuring to know not all girls are attracted to sleezes. It's also truly reassuring to know there are girls out there with real worldly aspirations, rather than hoping to marry and live off of some guys money. If I'd met you before this quarter, I never would have imagined someone as well accomplished and attractive as you could see anything at all in a guy like me.

Regardless, my time in Washington, DC was truly a blast, and gave me some of the most enjoyable as well as beneficial experiences in my life. Good times. I'll gradually update the other blog with more pictures.