excessive thinking, inadequate action.
warning: sappy/pointless/pathetic post approaching. reverting back to a weak 12 units this quarter has had both its positive and negative consequences. the major positives: grades have improved this quarter due to motivation from various sources. unfortunately, 12 units leaves me with quite a bit of leisure time, and at times theres struggle with boredom (and im not settling for spending all of it playing video games). ill admit i spend more time than necessary at the library (and i hate to sever your thoughts but, no i do not spend time in there just to check out girls). during long blocks of reading my mind tends to drift from the material and i naturally begin to just flat out think about life. much of whats on my mind is how i should deal with the unexpected barriers that hold me from finding the proper mate. regarding senior year of high school, whenever that sense of loneliness or jealousy arose, id quickly assure myself that college would prove to be the best place to find someone. i guess the proper tradeoffs for escaping my parents are disappointment and frustration. often ive told myself perhaps la and berkeley are better options. but you go to college for its academia, not for what it provides socially. but then again, those schools are pretty highly respected. after much self-deliberation in the library and plenty of conversations with close friends, ive concluded that it really is my fault for not taking a pro-active approach to things. thats just me, and only i can motivate myself to change that.
to escape the random sounds of slurping and slapping and southern accents emitted from my room, i embarked on my usual journey to the library to do my homework. then i realized it wasnt much homework and that it wasnt worth the energy and time to pedal over to the library. the morgue in regan main was a far better option. on the bottom story of regan main is a lounge with a piano, upstairs is the morgue where everyone studies in silence. interrupting me from beginning my work were the wonderful sounds originating from that piano downstairs. so i decided to just study in there. when i walked in the infatuation bug immediately bit me and i sat down and just watched. i think its safe to say that one can judge some characteristics of a person by the way they dress, and this girl fit what i consider to float my boat (and it involves no sort of cleavage bragging, cheerleading skirt attire). i killed that infatuation bug by resuming my studying, until the chick started singing. and man, her singing was a hell of a lot better than her piano playing. then i looked around and noticed she had a guitar case too. without actually interacting with her, my sense of respect grew enormously and i just wanted to compliment her on her talent. unfortunately, i forced myself to keep doing my homework and never really forced myself to talk to her. i tell myself now that next time ill say something. this natural passiveness really bugs me, and i know i wont get anywhere if i dont do something about it. same time, same place, more guts. and hey, what do i have to lose? this summer i get to reunite with some old buddies, and that alone is enough to keep me content with my life for the time being.
belle and sebastian's tigermilk. classic. keeps you up even when youre in the most disgusted of moods.
